Nothing is quite as fraught as workplace romance. Quite apart from whatever euphoria the participants may experience, the situation can cause a lot of tension, headache, rumors, and tears—not only for the participants, but also for onlookers, clients, friends, and even the boss. Nothing makes a workplace lawyer cringe like a potential client saying, “Well, we started seeing each other on the side…” Here are some things that every worker should know:
First A Word About Sexual Harassment:
If someone is pressuring you to be in a relationship at work, that is called sexual harassment, and you don’t have to put up with it. Report that s*** to HR (via email!), use the words “sexual harassment,” and call a lawyer.
Superiors Dating Subordinates:
When a superior dates a subordinate, it automatically appears that someone is taking advantage of someone else. Even if the participants think it’s totally consensual, there’s no way to separate the imbalance of power from that relationship. Imbalance of power usually means sexual harassment.
Additionally, it raises concerns about favoritism. Now, favoritism isn’t, in and of itself, illegal, but it can start to get illegal-adjacent if someone is getting special treatment for reasons other than their merit. It definitely gets the favorer and the favor-ee disliked by coworkers.
Superiors who date subordinates are especially vulnerable to charges of sexual harassment. No matter how caring and wonderful they think they are being, that power dynamic is a real problem. Word to the wise: by the time it gets to a lawyer, jobs and careers have already been destroyed.
If you ask a workplace lawyer, the lawyer is probably going to say: Don’t date subordinates. Also, don’t date supervisors.
Coworkers Dating Coworkers:
If it’s two people of the same rank dating each other, the questions still come up: How consensual is it? Is someone just acquiescing to try to keep the peace? If they break up, does everyone have to choose sides? If they break up, is someone going to accuse the other one of harassment?
Before getting into a relationship with a coworker, think about this: If this goes south, someone is probably getting fired. It might be both of you.
If you ask a workplace lawyer, the lawyer is probably going to say: Don’t date coworkers.
TMI:
Workplaces are serious rumor mills. No matter how discrete the participants believe they are, there’s always some Nosey Parker who would rather dig around in someone else’s business than do their own job. Whether the couple is spotted getting lunch together or someone just senses some chemistry, the rumors will fly.
Once the rumors are going, they will not stop. Telling Nosey not to gossip is like telling fire not to burn. Those rumors are going to spread, and they are going to damage reputations. PS., those damaged reputations are not the legal goldmine you might have seen on TV. There’s no statute (at least not one that we’ve run into) saying it’s illegal to say dreadful things about your coworkers, at least not in the absence of some more concrete harm.
Some employees feel they have a duty to report workplace romances. There’s no legal duty to do so (unless someone is underage and you’re a mandated reporter). There might be an ethical duty if you’re some kind of fiduciary and the romance is harming stakeholders. There might be a workplace policy that says you’re required to report, which means if you don’t report, you could be accused of insubordination. If you’re struggling with whether to report, it’s worth a conversation with an attorney.
If you ask a workplace lawyer, the lawyer is probably going to say: Don’t gossip. Don’t report until you’ve got good legal advice.
Workplace Policies:
There may very well be a section of the employee handbook that tells you not to date your coworkers. It may say that you have to disclose your own dating, or that if you detect someone else’s dating you have to disclose it for them.
The policy is not the law, but it is the law of that particular workplace. In other words, as an employee, you don’t have much ability to enforce the handbook (although there are times when the handbook can be useful evidence). But if you violate a workplace policy, it may give the employer an excuse to discipline or terminate you.
If you ask a workplace lawyer, the lawyer is probably going to say: Get good legal advice to determine how to handle that workplace policy.
“Love Contracts”
Some employers have tried out so-called “Love Contracts.” These are documents signed by the participants stating that the relationship is consensual, acknowledging prohibitions on sexual harassment and retaliation, requiring the individuals to behave professionally, avoid favoritism, requiring the individuals to report harassment or retaliation if the relationship ends, requiring the individuals to report the end of the relationship to HR, prohibiting the participants from using the company’s property inappropriately… and on and on.
If your employer presents you with one of these, RUN, DON’T WALK to the nearest workers’ rights attorney and get it reviewed. DON’T SIGN IT without having an attorney look at it. You do NOT want to sign away your precious rights as an employee just so you can date some cutie down the hall, no matter how cute they are.
If you ask a workplace lawyer, the lawyer is probably going to say: What the heck is a Love Contract? Let me see that thing!
Whoops:
OK, so you ignored everyone’s advice and got involved with a coworker. What do you do? Lawyer answer: it depends. But seriously, have a look at any employee handbooks or policies floating around. These will help you understand the employer’s expectations. Also, thinking about what you’d do if the worst happened and you got fired. Update your resume. Start working your network. Do it now while your reputation is still intact.
If you really think you need to disclose the relationship, or if you think someone is about to disclose it for you, or if the whole thing has already blown up in your face – you guessed it. Put this in the hands of a reputable workplace attorney, and buckle up for a wild ride.
If you bring it to this firm, we promise not to say we told you so.
